I chose to share my own thoughts of having children or rather the decision to remain childless. I had always thought when I was growing up that I would someday have children, get married, have a nice house, and live the American dream. For the most part I have done that. I got married, had a beautiful home, and pursued a career. The child part never happened. While I was married my husband and I tried diligently to become pregnant for over three years. After going through a myriad of testing the results showed no reason I could not bear a child; I was physically healthy and there was nothing wrong with me physiologically. I will never know if the problem may have been due to a physical or genetic issue with my now ex-husband as he refused any type of testing.
I have since come to believe that the reason God did not bless me with children of my own is because not only was I spared the physical pain (I often thought I would be a nervous wreck during the entire pregnancy), but I stepped in as a replacement mom to my two twin nieces when their mother left them at the age of two. I am somewhat of a surrogate mom (they have several by the way), and I love my nieces, now age eleven like they were my own. I have never regretted not having my own children and I do not feel like I have missed out on being a woman or feeling less than, or any of that other stuff people tend to say who don’t have a clue.
I am very much a free spirit and prefer to be able to do things when I want without any tying binds. Having a child is a serious commitment, and one which should be a priority above all else. I have a tremendous amount of love for children, but lack the patience needed to raise and care for one. However, had life circumstances been different I am sure I would of adjusted. While I am still able to have children, I feel I am too old to bear one. There is a lot of focus on teenagers having babies, but little attention to women in their forties and older who decide to have children late in life. Each age group has a specific set of issues to address.
Michelle Dukes
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I love that you are so open and honest about your journey to not having children. I too do not want kids, I love kids, I love my three nieces very much, I just do not see my life involving kids. I prefer having time to myself and do not want that kind of responsibility. I am afraid I would worry myself to death. Thanks, Reanna
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your post. I think you have a great heart and spirit. I understand about the lack of patience. I glad that you believe that God had a purpose for you. And it seems it was your nieces and not your ex husband. Bailey is beautiful and that is your baby as far as I am concerned. Just for the record I pray all the time that nothing happens to my daughter. I am concerned everytime she is away. So you have definately missed out on some terrible nightmares that I would not wish on my enemy.
ReplyDeleteFelicia Manuel
Michelle,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your blog and wanted to thank you for being upfront and honest about your decision to not have children of your own. It looks like you were kind of forced into this decision since your ex-husband would not do his part with getting tested with is unfortunate. It is great to see that you did have the opportunity to mother though, with your two twin nieces. I myself don't have any children of my own and don't really crave the being pregnant part of having children so I tend to spoil my nephew and friend's children. I think there is a joy in being around children even if they aren't your own. Also, I agree with you that being able to get up and go at any moment is great and I fear that having children would definitly change my lifestyle.