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"I am interested in two kinds of change; the kind you put in the bank, and the kind you put in people's heads."
Michelle and fur child Bailey
Michelle Dukes
TWU - Health Sciences
Bailey Dukes
My beautiful Sheltie and best canine friend
A beautiful snow day! 2/11/2010
Individuals who have eating disorders suffer much angst in addition to having a distorted body image. Whether a person has anorexia, where food is considered taboo and avoided, bulimia, in which large quantities of food are consumed and purged, or eating to excess,to the point of becoming obese, these people also lack love, understanding, and acceptance of themselves.
ReplyDeleteI have had several friends who have encountered at least one type of these eating disorders and they all shared the common feelings, emotions,and perceptions of themselves, and the way they viewed others as seeing them. These women are beautiful both inwardly and outward, successful in their careers or school, and are well liked and respected by peers and collegues. The problem is that none of these women could see in themselves what others saw in them. Thus, a deep feeling of self loathing caught these women in a vicious cycyle that almost took thier lives, destroyed relationships with family and friends, and found themselves fighting a battle they were quickly loosing daily. All of these womem are leading heathly, productive lifestyles with the help of family, friends, and extensive, long-term therapy. Many people afflicted with an eating disorder are not as fortunate.
Confronting a friend, family memeber, or any other person one is close to,regarding the destructive course their life is taking can be difficult, emotional, and have reverse outcomes if not approached in a caring and emphatic way. I have chosen to do this by first researching the all I can on the subject, and the factors leading to the destructive behavior. I want to be armed with as much information as possible, as I know my confrontation will most likely be met with denial and excuses. Plus, the person who has the eating disorder may not be aware of all the damage they are inflicting on their body by pursuing such destructive behavior.
A non-threatening place such as a home or park are good places for an initial face to face confrontation. It is my desire to be comfortable and in a place that allows for any type of response. Many times the person being confronted becomes angry and defensive, so a social place such as a restaraunt would not be approprite.
When confronting anyone about a problem or issue, I would put myself in their shoes and talk to (not at) them as I would want to be talked to. I would state my concern and the reason I wanted to talk, and the changes I was seeing in an emphatic way. I am a very direct and up-front person so I have to make sure my emotions are in check. Afterall, the confrontation is about the other person!
After listening to what the person has to say I would express my concern and feelings for that person and offer my support and other recovery options.I would also point out all the postives and accomplishments I see in that person, and remember not to take it personally if my concerns are discounted.
As I have stated previously, I have had personal experience dealing with individuals with eating disorders. Trying to help friends with this problem can seem defeating at times and is definitely exhausting if you don't take care of yourself and develop healthy boundaries. Other peoples problems need not be our own! Being GENUINE, and showing COMPASSION is therapy that is priceless!!!
You have very good points and advice as to how to approach a friend with an eating disorder. I agree that you do have to remember to not get too emotional and not to talk at the person. It's hard not to end up lecturing when you feel scared or worried for a friend. A problem such as a eating disorder is a delicate subject to confront someone about. Thank you for your great advice about talking to friends about it!
ReplyDeleteCrystal
awww, Michelle you're a good friend. I would be scared to confront someone with a eating disorder. I mean what do you say? I like that you suggest to do some research first. It's hard for a person to look in the mirror and be truthful so, friends are a good reflector. I can tell you're the kind of girlfriend that will tell the truth no mater what. If you see me on the street michelle please tell me if I have spinach in my teeth o.k?.....Smooches
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